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Question 126
What do the atheists who are reading this think about attitudes to
death, particularly with what children are told and how they are treated
when someone dies?
- I think its ridiculous and childish. Such attitudes have led to
the extension of existence past anything even remotely humane. (Stoney #9)
- I think that we need to be honest with children. Rather than mask
death in nice words as passing on, or sleeping, we should just explain
the concept to children and let them understand that it is an end to l
ife and allow children the luxery of mourning. Children have a right to
feel pain and anguish of the loss of a loved one or friend.
While we are on the subject, one thing I have never understood about the
xian religion is why they mourne when a loved one dies? Shouldn't they be
celebrating their loved ones death if they really believe that there exists
a heaven? (Chani #1118)
- My mother-in-law died last year when my daughter was 4. We told her
that Grandma had died, and that meant that we wouldn't ever be able to
see her again. When she asked what happens after you die, we told her
that nobody knows, but some people think that you go to a place called
heaven where everything is nice, and some people think you go to a place
where there is always a party, and some people think you don't go anywhere.
It's damn tough to be tolerant, however, when the bastards you deal with
aren't. I'd never think of mentioning to somebody else's child that I
don't think there is a heaven, but many theists are perfectly happy to
tell that to *my* child. (Eric Gunnerson #31)
- Lying upsets some people, so telling them that mommy is in heaven
might upset them more than being honest. With honesty, there is short
term pain, but in the long run, it works out better. I would try not
to emphasize the negatives. I might use the agnostic approach instead
of the atheist approach. Some people say that mommy is in heaven and
some people say that she's roasting in hell right now. I would initially
leave off the part about hell. I've never heard a minister deliver a
eulogy about how the dearly departed is now in hell. (Michael Alexander
#18)
- The west has problems with death. We like to pretend it doesn't happen.
Ironically the more health improves and people live longer the bigger the
problem of death becomes. In the late 20th century most people never see
dead humans first hand and children in particular. In the 19th century
death plagued every family and every child would be aware of the death of
one or more siblings. The 20th century business of shielding children from
the reality of death just couldn't have worked in the 19th.
I am glad of advances in medical technology in the last 150 years but the
improvement in health has not lowered the level of anxiety about death.
(Meteorite Debris #1417)
- I think that, in Western culture, death has too creepy and spooky
an image. I think we need to differentiate between tragic, violent,
premature deaths, and death that simply occurs because of wear and tear
on our biological infrastructure. Personally, I'm more concerned with
the way in which I am going to end this life rather than with the fact
that I will be dead; much like I'm more concerned with the way I'm going
to lose my wisdom tooth than how I'm going to chew without it.
Death is what makes room for the next generation, and attempts to extend
life by any and all means, rather than merely improving the quality of
life for the "normal" life span, can only be detrimental to society,
especially when it happens too quickly for society to adapt.
Children should not be concerned with their own death. This is not part
of growing up. They should learn to appreciate life. I don't think we
need to teach children about death. It doesn't lessen the grief about
losing a loved one, and it doesn't make them better people. As far as
I'm concerned, dying is not something one needs to train for to do it
right. Teach them how to live, discuss matters of death only when they
ask about it, and only to convey the fact that it is a natural process.
Making them look forward to dying by promising Heaven, or making them
dread the inevitable by promising them eternal damnation might have a
rather adverse effect on a young mind, I think. (Matthias Weiss)
- I'll start my response with a personal story that is also a rebuttal
of the idea that humans will naturally think of life after death: One
day when I was six, I watched a TV documentary about 1848 revolutionaries,
showing photographs of survivors around 1890. The lots of old men were
shocking, and the next day I realised my mother will die before me. I
started a crying tantrum and asked my mother to live long and things like
that. But it never appeared to me that there could be something after
death, allowing us meeting again...
Now to children, I don't think lying to them is a good thing. They should
learn to deal with loss, just as they learn to cope with the loss of a
toy - if not, they will be free prey to any cultist. Also, not telling
them about death just makes the shock of an actual death in the family
stronger.
As for attitudes to death, most of those I dislike are religious. Hope
to get to heaven? Leads to wasting your life here. You will be
reincarnated in endless cycles? Leads to giving up work toward any change.
You will turn to ghosts who need worship by descendants? Poor descendants.
But, there are atheist attitudes toward death I dislike. We only live
once, so let be hedonists? That can lead to years of pain BEFORE death,
ruin the environment, damn others to live in poverty, and ruin the future
for your own children. (Daneel #323)
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